


Sidekick

by Monobear



Category: Space ☆ Dandy
Genre: Drabble, Heavy Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sad, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2097177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monobear/pseuds/Monobear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you don't know me, here's a short rundown: My name is Nynyamo. Nynyamo Calicho - but my 'friends' call me Meow.  I'm a 'space cat' from the planet Betelgeuse. I'm a goddamn loser compared to everyone else I've ever met (really, I'm an otaku - I watch anime by the truckload and read manga), I'm on this spaceship called the Aloha Ooe after a series of accidents...oh, and here's the fun part: I'm in love with my best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sidekick

Y'know, most of the time you don't really think about things, when you come to really examine your stupid-ass life choices. I mean, at least I don't - and knowing me, that's not surprising. 

If you don't know me, here's a short rundown: My name is Nynyamo. Nynyamo Calicho - but my 'friends' call me Meow.  I'm a 'space cat' from the planet Betelgeuse. I'm a goddamn loser compared to everyone else I've ever met (really, I'm an otaku - I watch anime by the truckload and read manga), I'm on this spaceship called the Aloha Ooe after a series of accidents...oh, and here's the fun part: I'm in love with my best friend.

Yeah, I know. Stupid, right? 

I mean, out of all the people - why him? We fight all the time, he yells at me, he'd gladly leave me to die if that meant saving his own skin, he's a fucking pervert, and he's got a lot of issues of his own...and yet here I am, pining away for him like the idiot I am. I don't know why - try explaining why you're in love with someone, see if you don't say things that aren't entirely true - but it's not even the looks. Hell, I didn't even think I was gay until I realized this. But here we are, here that is, and I'm never going to say it.

He doesn't need to know.

Just look at me, for one. I'm not a cute girl with big breasts and a nice ass, I'm a cat. A male cat at that. I'm not even handsome, or smart, or...or anything. I'm a loser who with all things considered should've died ages ago: RIP Nynyamo, no one cares, the end. But no, I'm still alive, and I still look like a trainwreck. I still am a trainwreck. 

For another, look at...at everyone else. There's this one blonde girl we go to see at this place all the time - she's really nice, I know that, and she's cheerful, and smarter than all of us combined even if she plays dumb - and he likes her. I know that, I'm not blind. She's gorgeous, and I don't blame him. Almost perfect, really. And there's so many others - ones we only see once, hell, there's even a guy out there who has the hots for him, and he'd be more likely to be chosen. I'm...

I'm his sidekick. The one he keeps around for a laugh. I'm not useful, really, and I'm really just a freeloader, but I essentially forced myself onto the ship and they've made no effort of making me leave, so go figure. He pushes me around, I'm his 'damn cat', and I sit there, and I fucking take it because despite everything else I need him around. I need him.

I've tried to tell myself that I don't, don't think I haven't. There was at least once when we went back to my home planet and I met this one really popular girl from my school again, she was a waitress now and she was still really pretty (and really outta my league), and I tried to force myself into liking her again...turns out she was gay. And into much older women. Whoops.

So I just stopped going after girls altogether, and claimed to everyone else I was just 'into 2D girls now'. Ha, not even. Even if they're 2D, they're certainly not female. I've coped with that issue by now, hardly matters, not like anyone would give a shit (I mean, yeah, my family would be a bit shocked, but they care for me too much to not take that in stride). That's hardly the problem here.

I've tried to work up the nerve to tell him, but it doesn't exist. I know what his reaction would be. He'd laugh. He'd think I was fucking with him, and then he'd tell me to knock it the hell off. It wouldn't be believable. My other friend - QT (really, a robot called QuikkThinker that'd long gone out of use, but he was pretty nice) - I'm pretty sure is aware of the whole situation. He kinda shuts up when I try to do things right to maybe get a bit of praise, he pretty much groups us together whenever he can (leaving himself on his own) and he hasn't said a word about how pathetic I get.

Most of the time I sit there and I think about the 'what if's: what if I was a beautiful girl? Would that be better? What if I was at least a not-bad-looking guy? I just speculate until it hurts and then I force myself to forget because I can't ever bring it up. I'm not strong enough.

I wish I was. I wish I was at least one of those things.

I'm not.

And it kinda hurts to sit there and see him go after every single other girl, but I do it anyway. I think I've gone numb to it after a while, even if I really think about it, the jealousy's still there and I want to run up and scream 'please, notice someone who's been beside you for a long time instead of just...another one...' He hasn't noticed that when I'm around him and nothing's happening, most of the time, I'm purring like the most obvious lovestruck kid in the galaxy.  I never said that he was smart, exactly.

He doesn't notice anything, and that's probably for the best.

That's why I can't talk about this. I'm his sidekick: it'd be wrong, wrong, wrong. There's a way things are supposed to go, and someone like me isn't supposed to fall in love with someone like him. That's not how the story goes. The sidekick doesn't fall in love with the hero, not the comedic relief one: the hero wins, gets all the glory and a beautiful smart girl on his arm, and the sidekick gets a mild amount of respect and the galaxy-wide equivalent of patting him on the back and telling him 'that'll do, cat, that'll do.' It's fucked up and I'm not supposed to feel this way. I'm fucked up.

But if he were to ever know, I wouldn't deny a word. 

I truly love him, for all he is, and for all that he screws up at. I wouldn't be around if I didn't. I don't care when he abandons me, don't care when he calls me 'damn cat' and tosses me out the airlock, I don't care. He's saved my ass more times than I can count, and he's one of the few people that tolerates me, if that means anything. He's got a nice side, and he's handsome and he's...he is a hero, after all. At least, in my eyes. If he actually made any sort of affectionate advance on me, I'd melt into his arms instantly, however much I tried to resist. Really pathetic, but I just...if he just kissed me on the lips once, that'd be enough to satisfy me for an eternity. But it won't happen.

I know how things are supposed to be: I've seen enough stories to know the score.

And I know that I should just keep it to myself and try to stop thinking these things, like always.

But...but....I...I love you, Dandy. Please...one day, maybe...maybe you'll notice. I doubt it. But...I....I'll love you no matter what, no matter what dimension, no matter who I am or who I'll be, I....

I'm stupid.

And that's all there is to that.


End file.
